There was this girl. This girl was horrible in maths and she was accepting of it, until she had this ONE teacher. This teacher put her down and made her feel like she was less.
So she made it a goal of hers to prove that she was not stupid. She’d spend hours upon hours studying for a subject she wasn’t good in and didn’t like. She spend money on tuition and yet none of that made a difference. But she made sure she never failed and it ruined her slowly. She’d spend most of her time studying for a subject she’d fail, no matter how much she’d study and in return, she’d neglect her other subject (the ones she actually liked.) Now that girl is me.
I based my success in life upon one single subject. A subject I didn’t like and would never pursue in my later life. I’ll study something with media-management and communications. I need a little bit of maths but not the extend I learn in school right now.
Basically, I became sad about my situation. I would study hard and pay money on tuition and once the exam comes, I will score poorly. (Mind you, I’m not a bad student. I usually pass well and maths is the only subject where this happens).
Anyways, I would cry and beat myself up about the fact that I was dumb, but only because I knew my teacher thought that about me. I care about people think and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It becomes bad, once their opinion starts dictating your life.
I honestly don’t mind that I score badly in math, what I do care about is that my math teacher thinks I’m stupid and I want to prove to him otherwise. I want him to see me as a smart, competent student that will achieve things in their life.
But I have finally come to the realization that I should care about him. I don’t like him as a teacher nor as a person and he doesn’t like me either. When some kid in school doesn’t like me, I don’t care very much. I’m not a horrible person and I try my best to be nice to everyone, so their judgement is uncalled for and doesn’t reflect upon my character.
Anyways, a couple of days ago I finally realized that I don’t care about my maths teacher.
I got my exam back and I didn’t do too well but it was fine . I didn’t feel upset and I didn’t let his snide comments faze me. I was fine and I knew I would continue to be fine.
At the end of the day people cannot dictate your happiness. It doesn’t come from a grade from one subject or from one person. It should come from within. We need to find our own happiness and not ones that are created by other people or things.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, but I just felt so happy when I didn’t care. It never happened before in his class and it just created some sort of peace within me. I felt more calm.
So to those that base their happiness upon one thing that doesn’t benefit you, doesn’t define you and won’t help you, let it go. You are better than this and you deserve more.
We should hang on to things that make us sad, just because we hope that one day (if we ever succeed at it, although it doesn’t make us happy during the process) we become happy towards the end. It’s about the journey. If you can’t smile during the journey, will you actually smile when you achieved something? Yes you need to put hard work into something you want to achieve but usually that’s something you like in life. It doesn’t cause you to have panic attacks and severe sadness.

I don’t know where I’m going with this but I want people to know that you can always change and change how you react to things. If you don’t like it, you can leave. You will be happier afterwards and you will find inner peace.

 

with love,

isabell

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s