So tomorrow I will have to go back to my old school to have documents signed, in order to get into University (they want my diploma signed and with a seal of approval, because up until now they only have a scanned copy). It’s no problem in theory, just go in get the things done and be on my merry way.
Yet, I am nervous. My school experience wasn’t very normal. I hated my school, mainly because of the way the teachers and students in it made me feel. I felt little, dumb and unworthy of being there. Teachers said I would fail and never make it to graduation and students would pick on me and make fun of me because I was generally very shy and had problems speaking in class. Still, I graduated (very well I might add), against all odds and it was one of the happiest moments of my life. I did something no one thought I could achieve and I was incredibly proud of myself.
And although I should be fine returning, since I have graduated with really good grades and proved those wrong who doubted me, I still feel scared. That school caused several anxiety attacks on my part, I would come home crying, I couldn’t sleep and I began having severe migraines. I was a wreck to say the least.
Now I’m in such a good place  emotionally. I rarely cry,I have been getting my nervous behavior under control, I sleep more and I get less migraines.
I just don’t want that school to take that away from me. I know I will bump into teachers that made me feel worthless and told me time and time again I was wasting my time and my parents money.
I am just a very emotional person, my mum would say ” Ja, sie ist nah am Wasser gebaut” (which is German and would translate to : She was build close to water [ referring to me crying very easily at anything, happy and sad moments alike]).
I know I have to go and I will. I will fill you guys in on what happens !
Wish me luck though and send emotional strength my way !
I’m sending all of you warm hugs and lots of love,
Isabell ❤

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2 thoughts on “Filled with dread

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