So if you have read my blog for a while, you’d know about Z. If you don’t , no worries! This is the run-down : We are friends from school and we had a lot of ups and downs. We would fall out all the time but then come back together and be friends (always a weird tension between us though). So once she graduated and left for uni, we haven’t really spoken and I realized that perhaps we forced a friendship out of convenience. We were friends because we were in the same school and no one else hung out with us.
That’s the whole gist. So lately we spoke to another, I wished her a happy birthday and we began talking again. We would chat about all sort of things but I felt like I was walking on eggshells, since I haven’t spoken to her in so long. I didn’t even know if I knew her anymore…
So she came back for her holidays and asked to meet up and we did…
I was so nervous about it, I even had a exit plan, just in case the meet-up was going to be awkward and we didn’t click anymore.
So we met and went to our old school and reminisced about our time there and everything we had experienced. It was fun while we were in school, we took tons of pictures and talked about the past. Once we went to the mall and had lunch, the conversation began to wane. It felt like I was the only one holding the conversation, moving it forward and coming up with new things to talk about. It was exhausting at the end.
She barely told me things about her life, and I just had to talk about myself, which was just awkward and uncomfortable.
By the time we said goodbye, I felt like I was more unsure than I was before. Are we friends, are we not or have we entered another form of relationship?
Mere acquaintances perhaps, who were friends before that for a long time (I’m talking double digits here)?
Once I went back home, I had to do a lot of thinking and I am still thinking about this. I have no idea what she thinks about it but I don’t want to ask, I don’t want to start something. I know a few things for sure: I have fond memories of us (and some that aren’t as fond), we were friends for a long time, although perhaps that’s just due to circumstances at the moment that drove our friendship and that I’ll hold a special place for her in my heart. I have no idea what place or its size, but it’s there.
I’ll just leave this here.. These are my thoughts about this..
BUT I will have to say I am glad I did meet her, because I could have just curved her.
I am glad we met and talked, even if I am more confused than before..

With love,
Isabell

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